I have brought my children up bilingually. The speak Dutch and English. Every now and then they say something which, grammatically or linguistically speaking, is not correct – but I know what they mean. I too am bilingual. Do I correct?, or do I encourage communication? When my son is ‘corrected’ in his English class because he used holiday instead of vacation … do I make a fuss, or do I take a moment to share that different people will use slightly different words to say the same thing, and what we have to listen to is the individual, the context, the whole, before we judge, correct, improve, let alone ‘understand’.

Language is a funny thing. It can simultaneously build bridges or create crevasses between people – the vessels of communication. ‘Incorrectly’ used, according to the linguists it may lead to misunderstanding. Creatively used, according to the culturalists, it could lead to moments of discovery. When asked to define an ‘island’ my son chose to say that this was a ‘land that was lonely in the sea’. He used his bilingualism, as well as multiculturalism to define something we ‘know’. He could have said, that an island was a land not connected to another piece of land ….. or surrounded by another land ….. to define what we ‘know’. Instead he came up with a definition which inadvertently leads to questioning, discovery … communication and interaction. Is he wrong? Literally speaking, no. Is he right? well …. can you define an island as lonely? Dialogue and discussion is created by the ‘creative’ use of language. Communication is achieved. Message is clear. An island stands separate, solitary as a piece of land at sea.

For some time I have been wondering, what does/should a copywriter blog about …. well, this was a no-brainer …. even if ‘mistakes’ are made, according to the linguists, these ‘mistakes’ may just encourage communication, dialogue and that is, after-all, what a copywriter wants to do: achieve a dialogue between those we write for and those they, in turn want to to reach.

So, even if I am not 100% correct in the use of my language, know that as a copywriter, I have another purpose.

And, then, it went all haywire ….. my daughter, perhaps taken over by the power of hysteria of millions of others (“hey, am I missing a boat here?” ), started clamouring to attend his recent concert in Rotterdam – BUT we were somehow supposed to do this without her brother knowing for she knew full well what was in store if he found out. I stalled, put off, made excuses and before you knew it, it was too late to get tickets! To then offset the ‘you are the worst mother, ever’ accusations, my middle ground was , okay, we’ll go to the movie ….. I said middle ground, not high ground!

I had heard such negative commentary, from son and daughter, than I actually cringed at the thought of doing this – but, a promise is a promise (and every parent knows how that can backfire on one …..). So, today, without giving too much information (any in fact) to my son I headed off with my daughter and a friend of hers to the movies to see “Never Say Never” ….. earlier negativity was such that when I found out my daughter had invited a friend, I thought – GREAT …. you guys go see the movie and I will use WiFi in the lobby and get some work done …. Ha, no chance, a promise is a promise and apparently (and here is where language/bilingualism/translation played a role) by promising to take her to the film, I in fact implicitly implied I would actually be there – not at the cinema, but at the film. ‘A promise is a promise’.

There were 5 of us, total, in the cinema – me and four young female audience members who, by the way, knew the text of each and every song played! Did I feel old …. actually not. I felt young and nostalgic,  smiling inwardly, and outwardly, at the passion and enthusiasm (and yes, even the seriously over the top enthusiasm) of the young female fans captured and portrayed in the film. I smiled because I thought: how great that they have such passion; how blissfully sublime that they can cry real tears of excitement, emotion, out of this world euphoria for a ‘boy on  stage’!  I smiled because his story of success was not the result of discovery from above – from record producers, magnates and the like – no, his success is because his fans – on YouTube and Twitter in particular were the ones who woke the magnates up! What a great story!

Will he ‘last’? Did generations before us – when they saw fainting women before Beatles concerts think they would last? Who knows – and seriously, who cares? As one mother in the film said: she wanted her daughter to have the thrill she had had when she went to see Michael Jackson when she was young – when no-one could have envisaged what he would achieve, as an artist. Does it matter if he lasts? When all is said and done – it is about what he gives his audience, his fans: a moment of out of this world euphoria which cannot be explained! – and one of which they are a part! one fan admitted to tweeting him 100 times, in one day!

That he is Canadian, was brought up by a ‘teen’ mother and loving grandparents, is a gifted untrained musician, is athletic and active, says a prayer with his crew before every performance and has (so far) been kept grounded are the gifts that I, as a parent take away. If my daughter and millions of others claim to love the person who also has these characteristics – does it even matter if his music will last? He is here, now, and giving young girls world-wide something they can look back on – a memory of emotion. Will they be happy as adults that their emotions were shared?….. agh, that is their problem, much later in their lives. For NOW they are living life fully, and are able to do so because of a young Canadian boy called Justin Bieber …..

PS – there is a lot of ‘new’ music out there today – Justin’s I can live with better than other forms – so even as a parent, I can connect with my daughter – perhaps not the hysteria, but at least I am not yelling “turn that garbage off” ….. and I may even have convinced my son (who as any young blooded male is simply jealous), that JB is not all that bad .. I mean, he did manage to get Snoop Dogg, Boyz II Men and Usher among many others) to his concerts and entourage! That did ring a bell with my son

On a personal level, I have just returned from a trip to the US where I had the honour and privilege of commemorating another 100 years. That of my great Aunt, my children’s great Grand Aunt, a woman who has herself overcome, confronted and risen above the challenges women face(d). She did this not on a grand world scale, getting herself into history books and the like – rather in her own quiet, committed, dedicated and personal manner. She was among the first women to operate computers while working with BOAC (British Overseas Airways Corporation, now BA) in New York – rising in the office from Secretary to Office Manager and Bookings Agent. She witnessed soldiers returning from the war, traveled on planes which are a far cry from the aircrafts we now travel in, never married yet cared for her siblings children whenever she could, lived with her sister until her passing, and has always been the constant in the family. She shared some secrets with me this past visit, which have to be an essential part of why she is still with us.

• Acceptance: accept the differences in others, respect them, and avoid unnecessary conflict.
• Be penny & pound wise: buy what you need, save for what you may need and share with others what they need.
• Have faith: whatever the religion have a guide to comfort and advise you, know you are not alone.
• Be curious: learn and keep learning for without education there are no opportunities.
• Don’t let others tell you what you can or cannot do, know that you can, prepare, retrain if need be and do it!

This is a woman who for the first time, this year, had someone else do her taxes! She still lives on her own, follows her own advice and granted us, her family – three generations of it – the opportunity to learn first hand what 100 years of being a woman is. This is a woman whose own curiosity and drive to learn is still actively present. She was not intimidated by being presented with an opportunity to play the piano on an iPad – she was not even phased. With all the change she has witnessed, been a part of, she had learned to accept (and teach us) that it can be no other way. It was my children who had trouble digesting the fact that the computer she worked with took up a whole room – and not a small one!

Thank you Aunt Daisy for giving me, a woman, the chance to witness and truly understand why International Women’s Day is so vital and still so needed.

I can only imagine what my reaction was then. If the truth be told I did not even realise I had kept it, however I can tell you that even today, it made me giggle, blush and smile. Giggle in that girlish innocence of knowing that someone ‘liked’ you. Smile in that warm feeling deep within of being liked. This reaction, and reflection on the words expressed took me back to my primary school days and how we, then, acknowledged Valentine’s Day – the day of lovers and love, of affection and warm, cuddly feelings.

More often than not, in the days leading up to THE day, elaborately decorated ‘anonymous’ cards were placed in a box, only to be distributed on THE day. Needless to say, there were many emotions when that happened – and an awful lot of giggling! There were those elated by receiving many cards, those disappointed by not receiving one from the ONE they expected, those in tears from those who received none. The day was alive with emotion whichever way you looked at it.

I do not know if it was innocence that made me oblivious of the commercialization of this day. Possibly, the levels of commercialism were less then. All of a sudden I have a yearning for the card I found from way back then – the heart wrenching, innocent and searingly vulnerable emotions of then. I have this melancholy feeling that the words this particular poet and ‘lover’, who signed off as ‘S’, found then would be hard to come by today.

This was no Hallmark card – this was real!

So, I share his words with you in the hopes that each can find, in their memory box or elsewhere, that moment which is Valentine’s Day.

Signed, with hugs, kisses, little hearts and pretty flowers,

Your Valentine .

For myself, a recent journey down memory lane was of a completely different nature – but with similar results. My load has not been lightened per se, but I have taken the lightness of the past to carry me forward. A chance memory, while watching a programme with my children reminded me that I knew one of the actors in the show. Belief had to be sustained by proof and so I  delved into my  memory case . And, lo and behold, there was the proof required for my children  .  I was cool .  I knew (sorry, had once known) an actor they enjoy watching every night .   Granted he was a B actor then, with all due respect, and is now a B+ one … why had I not met the other, cooler character/actor was the question posed by my son. Of course, alongside the cool comment, came, ‘ why don’t  you  have such a cool job now’ . A deep sigh !  ….

Jon Cryer ... of 'Two and 1/2 Men' fame today ... (yes, my accessories have not escaped me!)

In retrospect,  it is  ’ cool ’. At the time however, it was part of ‘the job’ to pick up James Earl Jones at the airport (voice of Darth Vader among many other roles); to be time keeper at a round table press conference for Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger or accompany Terry Jones to radio and television interviews.  Looking back on them now, I felt pretty cool and have opted  to use the memory to make me feel lighter, more confident,  ’ cooler ’ as I move forward. I have also taken some girlish pride in the fact that I was one of three women featured (of eleven people) under the headline of my University paper (year not to be revealed) which read: “Who’s Hot: Campus celebs who will be in the media spotlight next year!” … this too came to light from my ‘memory case’.

.. it's me who 'see's no evil' - very appropriate actually! - as a copywriter I only find the 'good' !

Memories, whatever they may be are part of us – how we choose to embrace, acknowledge, forget or ignore them is up to us. They are though, part of who we were then and not necessarily who we are today. We can pick and choose what we wish to retain, and make us strong ; what we wish to hang on to which keeps us burdened ;  what we wish to do with the lessons they have taught us.

I am no longer a self conscious, unsure teenager living far from home. I am an adult, a mother, mature – though still living far from home. When I was a teenager writing aerogrammes home (from boarding school in England  to my parents in Iran), I did not, sorry let me emphasise this, DID NOT appreciate the red ink corrected aerogrammes that came back.. You see, my mother was, is, an English language teacher, and a perfectionist to boot and she simply could not resist the chance to correct, to teach … Today, as an adult, and a mother myself, I get it …. This was a case of parenting, teaching and loving from long distance – long before email, Facebook and Skype. It was her way of sharing what she knew and had to share to ensure that her child was set on the right path: the basic instinct of parenting, right?!

My father, like many fathers, often caught in that uncertain battle ground of mothers and daughters, is still uber sensitive to this issue. He has cautioned my mother about correcting mistakes in my blogs for fear of ‘upsetting me’ , just leave it alone he says, and if opportunity presents itself tells me himself, oh so cautiously, about mistakes he has noticed. Yes, this probably says a lot about me and my reaction to criticism, but I would like to leave that issue aside for the moment ….

The circle is complete, maturity has prevailed. I, and my mother have moved on – in our communication and mutual respect – today she volunteered to be my virtual editor, and I accepted. Thank you Mummy for caring. Thank you Daddy for protecting. I can now say – ‘all grammatical mistakes are not the responsibility of the author’ …but of her mother ….

Told you  the  circle was complete ……

For the past year, I worked at the  (former) Ministry of Housing, Communities and Integration .   I have witnessed and lived through the fall of a cabinet  which has resulted in a significant change in course – the municipal elections which affected our own professional contacts at that level; the protracted negotiations for a new cabinet with all  its  uncertainties ; the definitive change of course with all the adjustments  require d . Uncertain times indeed – especially for a policy support department whose core business was at stake throughout. Even during what turned out to be one of the longest lame duck periods in recent Dutch political history, these bureaucrats ensured that things moved forward, that partners were reassured and that all possible scenarios were  anticipated. . Not an easy feat – anticipating what direction your policy will take while  preparing for transition  and  at the same time providing continuity.  Certainly,  there are processes and procedures which boggle the mind, prevent flexibility and give fodder to the humour mill. Granted there will always be,  as  in every social organisation, those who are better at what they do than others.  However  taken as a whole these individuals have opened my eyes to the challenges of governing, implementing policy and delivering results in an increasingly complex society.

In an increasingly complex world in which we are simultaneously connected to millions, but distanced from our neighbours, it is the bureaucrat who has to deal with the result of our conflicts, the terrain of our impasse. We call to them for order, yet blame them for chaos . We rely  on them for guidance, yet deny them a compass.  Then,  we have the gall to make fun of them as well .  Perspective is what we need on the outside and what they provide from the inside.

That was the professional lesson learned . On a personal level,  as an immigrant myself, I  am grateful that during the rhetoric and polarisation that has been taking place in the media and  with the  politics on the issues of integration and citizenship ,  I was in an environment which tempered the extremes.  My colleagues provided context and calm, assurance that in a democratic society we have mechanisms in place which do keep the individual in mind.

I thank them, and wish them all the best in the times ahead.

1. Who are you and what is the story behind your business?

My name is Deborah Valentine, my own story is too long and convoluted to convey here, suffice it to say that I hold a Canadian and Dutch passport and have been an ‘international’ my whole life – here and in many other countries. The story behind my business? Well, this is also a little convoluted. In reality my business started by mistake. While in the process of looking for employment I was approached 4 years ago to Project Manage the Feel at Home in The Hague Fair. In order to accept the opportunity I had to establish myself as a business in The Netherlands – which was surprisingly straight forward. I never considered myself a business person, and yet I have managed to keep ‘a hand in The Hague’ going since. Granted, in those four years I have done many varied projects – making it hard to pinpoint my niche, but it has stayed alive.

In the last year and a half or so I have focussed on one area, namely writing, and have made the decision to build my business on this skill, and passion. Apparently I am good at it – and I enjoy it – and people are willing to pay for it. Seems like a straight forward formula! – even for a non-business person!

Writing is a broad category, so perhaps it is worth elaborating on this. I am no budding author, there is no novel waiting to pour out of me. What I enjoy, and am good at, is finding a unique something in others, or businesses, and weaving a story around it that makes getting to know that individual, service, product appealing. It is marketing writing if you will – though I am not happy with the term copy writing. Given that I speak several languages I am able to do my interviews and or research in the native language of my clients allowing them to express themselves in their own language, and then find the words to express their message in my language, English. This also applies of course to native English speakers who struggle with the written word. It is for this reason that I say I help people find their voice in English.

A secondary, but no less interesting arm of the business is editing material written in English by non-native speakers. Often clients have prepared something themselves in English, a presentation, a project proposal, web texts etc., which needs tweaking. Again, because of my languages I am able to distil what was meant and ensure that the language is used correctly to capture and convey the intent. Since I am fluent in Dutch, and have lived here a long time, this is a skill I am particularly adept at when editing English written by a Dutch person. Sounds unusual, but I do enjoy the challenge of finding what was meant and ensuring it is said.

2. When and why did you start blogging?

Ha, seriously? I started blogging because you told me to . When? Almost 2 years ago – though not at all consistently.

3. How much time do you spend creating content, do you have any time saving tips for others?

I rarely create content – rather ideas pop into my head which I try to retain – usually on bits of paper – and then develop in my blog. More often than not it is a comment from my children (who are more Dutch than Canadian and allow me to see the world around me a little differently) which sets me off on some subjects: though I have been asked by one of them to no longer include them (even without a name) in my blogs!

I am becoming more comfortable with Word Press which has made this process much easier – I can start a blog whenever the idea strikes me and publish it when it feels right … I need to develop a pattern, this is true. As Claudia Hulshof said earlier – establishing a pattern so people know when to expect something is crucial.

4. How do you stay inspired?

Looking around me, listening, reading, talking to people. There is always something to write about – always something which strikes a chord in me, which is why I think I am also good at what I do – I can always find a hook. I have noticed a trend though: my blogs tend to be about women/international community at large and individuals in general – not so much about what I do. Does that make sense?

5. How has your blog influenced your business, can you give an example?

Too early to tell really. It does provide me with an opportunity of sharing who I am while at the same time being a showcase of my style of writing which is kind of important if you think about it. J I do know that clients’ who were enquiring about my services, after reading an entry or two did respond back saying they liked my style – and then hired me – or referred me.

5. Looking back, what are the lessons you have learned about blogging?

What held me back was wondering what on earth I had to say which would be of interest to anyone. It was only when I started to think of my blog as part of a conversation with a friend, or new acquaintance, that I realised it was a way of engaging with people – letting them get to know me, and I them, through their comments. I consider it an extension of the networking I do, and enjoy. It allows me to be me.

6. What advice would you offer to others looking to take their business online?

Same advice I try to give myself – keep it simple! And, the blueprint for your business is in your hands – if it needs to be redrawn, just do it.

Deborah thank you for taking the time to answer these questions. I look forward to seeing how your blog has developed in a couple of years.

Website: ahandinthehague.com
Blog: ahandinthehague.com/blog
Twitter:twitter.com/ahandinthehague (not yet active – NEXT step)
Facebook:Deborah Valentine
LinkedIn: Deborah E Valentine

Earlier this year, my Alma mater, the Institute of Social Studies, requested permission from its graduates to scan and publish our Masters theses … At the time I had no thoughts of academic glory or recognition (still don’t actually), it simply seemed like an easy opportunity to get my thesis from its current digital format and location, WP on a 3/4inch ‘floppy’,  into a format which was more accessible! [For those already confused by either of these references - Google them and all will be clear - including an approximation of my age!].

It was ‘so cool’ to receive this today. My words of academic wisdom and conviction, in a modern format I can share with others, or simply ‘have’ for posterity. No more visits to the copy shop to reproduce my foray into academia, nor visits to the post-office to send it off to those interested.  With the click of a button, a link on a page I can share it – immediately. Granted, time has allowed me to find some spelling and grammar mistakes that I and technology  (and I may add a few fellow readers at the time) missed, and can no longer ‘correct’! Time has also strangely enough, reminded me of who I am.To quote myself (another ‘cool’ factor): “The analysis that follows is optimistic. It is based on faith in the positive pronouncements and actions taking place, with sufficient cynicism to allow reflection on as many and as contradictory aspects as possible, but not enough to allow for despair. It is a very personal search for hope and a reason to move forward. From it I have perhaps become more cynical but in so doing more aware.”

In 1994,  I undertook a discursive analysis of the UNDP Development Reports to demonstrate how Human Rights – ALL of them, social, economic, political, and cultural were finally on the way to being part of an integral development discourse. Phew.

The paper is entitled “A Diamond in the rough: Towards an integrated Human Rights Project” and as I reflect on the world around us I realise perhaps how naive I was then, but I also realise that despite my optimism then, and developments today, I can still see signs for optimism. I am too far removed from the academic debate these days (not to mention the adrenaline of those days) to enter into a discussion with those more in the know, but I do remain optimistic.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to upload the ‘too big a file’ which my paper was … so, if for any weird reason someone (other than my family ) would be interested in reading it, let me know. Although I have been informed that it will ‘be available on the internet’ soon … also, sooo cool!

I have lived my life by trusting in others, in ‘systems’, in those around me – but this has to rock anyone’s foundation. It has mine, and I do not have children in daycare – children who have no voice, who are entrusted to others and who have been so fundamentally abused – physically as well as psychologically.

I wish I knew what I could offer, do, at this moment in time for the victims of this trust!? All I can offer, are my thoughts and prayers – and hope that in some way mine and those of I am sure many, many others, provides the blanket of comfort and strength these families, these children need.